Hello,

Mesti pelik sebab ieka update blogkan? Yeah ieka update bila ieka rasa ieka dah taktau nak luahkan kat sape. Biasalah duk rumah sensorang je an? Hehe ;') Actually ieka dah taktahan nak menanggung rasa sakit ni. Haha sakit apa? Sakit hati. Bukannya ieka sentap. Its just that about the same guy that I've been talking this past three years.

Yes, the 'Z' guy. Ieka seriously not even once ieka benci dia. Marah? Yes memang marah but benci. Tak pernah.And yes ieka pernah tweet yang ieka benci dia but you do know that bila orang marah, memang semua dia cakap termasuk benda yang dia tak maksudkan. I know ieka sebenarnya tak patut sayangkan dia at all. But nak tau? when the first time dia contact ieka tahun lepas secara tetibe selepas senyap 2 tahun, ieka happy gila. Ieka senyum je sepanjang masa and hati ieka dupdap dupdap je tau.

But when dia buat hal, dia terus tinggalkan ieka. Well I did try to accept it but it hurts so bad. I cried the whole day. imagine how hurt it is? Ieka tak kuat dah lepas tu.Semuanya sakit. Ieka mcm dah takda perasaan dah but when it comes to him, it hurts so bad. Especially bila dia dm ieka just semata mata nak cakap jangan tweet pasal dia lagi and he's fcking said that I'm annoying and some high school student like me is immature. And it hurt me. I actually cry. I even thought that 'maybe all this time he has been thinking that I'm annoying'. Imagine that? A guy that you loves so much said that you are annoying. And it become hurts even more when he's actually talk a shit about you towards a girl that have become his girlfriend or 'used to be' idk.

You know what? I still cant hate him!!! You know bad it is when someone you shouldnt love but you love him and you cant hate him. You just dont know why you cant hate him. And that time when he said that I'm annoying and bla bla bla. I just realize that not even once he loves me. He was just playing a game with me. Idk maybe its the payback from Allah or just to test me whether I still remember Him. but I did try accept it slowly and it still hurts. WHY CANT I JUST HATE HIM OR HAVE A 'DELETE' BUTTON ON MY MIND OR ANYTHING???!!!! Anything just to forget about him. I'm not that stronger anymore. I grew weaker. Seriously I dont know whether I can survive or not. but truly I'm really not that stronger anymore. Ya Allah please help me ;'(

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