Hello. I'm back again. Although i never knew i will ever update again. Seems like everytime i'm updating my blog means i cant hold it anymore. Probably but i know i cant be that strong anymore. I'm slowly crumbling down...

Like i said i had a hard time so i'm gonna write it. What i write in here stays here. Idc if the person i tell you abt is yourself but what in here stays here. I mean it. Friends. Of course. It always been abt friend. Friend who dont really care abt you. Friend who only look at you whenever they feel bored. Friend who only notice you when their fav is gone. Friend who used you for their advantage. Friend who only remember you when they need your help. I feel used. Honestly. I've been notice for awhile but who am i to fool, they dont even batted their eyelashes on me unless they need something from me.

I'm totally not gonna say who but you wont feel guilty if you know you dont do anything wrong to me. I've enough with ppl using me like i'm some of robot. I have feelings. I feel sad when they treat me badly. I cry when things get bad. I get mad when ppl do wrong things to the ppl that i love but not once they notice my pain. Not even once they notice things i'd do for them. To them, i'm just someone who they needed to be used. Maybe. I dont know. At first i try not to care but when ppl ignore me bcs they meet other person, i feel hurt. More than anything. Sometimes i better off not having any friends.

And then there's another prob. There's a friend whom i really close to. I've been friend with this 'friend' since forever i think. I always think no matter what happens this 'friend' will always be there for me but i was wrong. This person never been there for me when  i need this person. I feel stupid. Futhermore i'm even miss this person when i know this person dont really care abt me. Things change when this person went into university. We used to chat whenever we can but now just wish hari raya with smiley. Then nothing. End of coversations. Its strange how ppl who you close to can immediately change to a stranger.

All i want to let out everything and cry but my tears just wont come out. My heart hav been hurt enough. Enough with the bad relationships. Enough with the bad past. Enough with the old friends prob. Enough with the old family probs. All i want is to be happy but why wont it happen?  I want to be happy and worries nothing else. Fantasy is fantasy.

OLD