Hello, i'm back again. And i got some story to tell. sekarang ni i'm mengganggur and i learn some driving to get my driving license. And then i'm waiting for letters untuk sambung belajar. Other than that, i'm just a plain boring hopeless girl.

I've got story to tell. And looking from the title,its about pain. again. I know maybe my blog might be bored but hey i'm the owner. Beside i got nobody to tell but my blog. I just dont trust ppl to tell all abt my concerns. So here's a thing. I got a problem. the problem is i'm scared to open my heart for new ppl to come into my life.

I just cant get over the fear bcs experience makes me scared whenever i think abt the ending. You see, everytime i open up my heart to someone, all i get is pain. they never appreciate what i did for them. Ppl just dont know that i did do anything for them so i can see them smile. Eventhough i'm the one who getting hurt. I hate feeling like this cause it makes me feel hopeless and useless.

I've got tired with this feeling called 'pain'. Somehow i think i just dont care what ppl gonna do to me whether they hurt me or abuse my feelings. i'm scared. I cant barely cry right now. i stop crying since he dumped me. you know when you feel pain and you just dont know what to do. All you want to do is crying but i'm at the point that i want to cry to wash the pain away but i cant. Cause my tears just wont come out. Thats how bad my heart is. I become a cold person i think. but one thing i hate right now is i cant stop care for ppl who dont appreciate me. No matter how they hurt me or how they left me when i need them, i just cant stop caring abt them. Just cant.

Maybe i'm stupid for thinking that they will forget abt me so i have to be there for them. I dont know. Somehow i feel like they do slowly forget abt me. and i dont know if i still hav  a heart or not cause i feel nothing. At some point, i feel pain and want to cry but the other point is i feel nothing. It feels like there's a hole in my heart or something. All i want to be the happy one. The happy nur afiqah. I want my old happy afiqah back but its like she's gone or dead already.

My sister said maybe its not my time yet. and she said someday and somewhere you will find the one for you. I know that but how can i find the one if my heart just wont open up to new ppl. I'm hardly accept new ppl into my life. i tried to be happy. I laugh a lot but it just dont feel the same like i used to laugh. Well i think i hav a emotion disorder cause whenever i laugh, later on i feel sad and i want to cry so bad but i cant. Cause my tears already out of stock i think. Maybe someday i will be the happy nur afiqah. InShaaAllah. I have a faith in Allah. I know Allah will guide me on the right way. I just hope its not that late till i just cant take the pain anymore 😂

OLD ϟ NEW